


Destructive Dragon

by DrFacilier



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor is a dragon, Crack Treated Seriously, Dead Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman Friendship, F/M, Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy Tension, Jared Kleinman Eats Bath Bombs, Jared Kleinman Is a Good Friend, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24067771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrFacilier/pseuds/DrFacilier
Summary: A generator wrote this manbut then I edited it a lil to add✨ D E T a I L s ✨
Relationships: Evan Hansen & Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen/Zoe Murphy
Comments: 10
Kudos: 10





	Destructive Dragon

Destructive Dragon

A Screenplay by DrFacilier

\---

INT. EVAN'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON

Anxiety ridden student . EVAN HANSEN is arguing with funny Student . ZOE MURPHY. EVAN tries to hug ZOE but she shakes him off.

EVAN  
Please Zoe, don't leave me.

ZOE  
I'm sorry Evan, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

EVAN  
I am such a person!

ZOE frowns.

ZOE  
I'm sorry, Evan. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.

ZOE leaves.

EVAN sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, kind Lush store worker JARED KLEINMAN barges in looking flustered.

EVAN  
Goodness, Jared! Is everything okay?

JARED  
I'm afraid not.

EVAN  
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

JARED  
It's ... a dragon ... I saw an evil dragon kill a bunch of children!

EVAN  
Defenseless children?

JARED  
Yes, defenseless children!

EVAN  
Bloomin' heck, Jared! We've got to do something.

JARED  
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

EVAN  
You can start by telling me where this happened.

JARED  
I was...

JARED fans himself and begins to wheeze.

EVAN  
Focus Jared, focus! Where did it happen?

JARED  
School! That's right - School!

EVAN springs up and begins to run.

\--

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

EVAN rushes along the street, followed by JARED. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

\--

EXT. SCHOOL - SHORTLY AFTER

CONNOR MURPHY a destructive dragon terrorises five children.

EVAN, closely followed by JARED, rushes towards CONNOR, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

JARED  
What is is? What's the matter?

EVAN  
That's not just any old dragon, that's Connor Murphy!

JARED  
Who's Connor Murphy?

EVAN  
Who's Connor Murphy? Who's Connor Murphy!? Only the most destructive dragon in the universe!

JARED  
Blinkin' knickers, Evan!  
We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most destructive dragon in the universe!

EVAN  
You can say that again.

JARED  
Blinkin' knickers, Evan!  
We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most destructive dragon in the universe!

EVAN  
I'm going to need swords, lots of swords.

Connor turns and sees Evan and Jared. He grins an evil grin.

CONNOR  
Evan Hansen, we meet again.

JARED  
You've met?

EVAN  
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

\--

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young EVAN is sitting in a park listening to some jazz music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees young CONNOR. He takes off his headphones.

CONNOR  
Would you like some weed?

EVAN's eyes light up, but then he studies CONNOR more closely, and looks uneasy.

EVAN  
I don't know, you look kind of destructive.

CONNOR  
Me? No. I'm not destructive. I'm the least destructive dragon in the world.

EVAN  
Wait, you're a dragon?

EVAN runs away, screaming.

\--

EXT. SCHOOL - PRESENT DAY

CONNOR  
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now!

JARED  
(To EVAN) You ran away?

EVAN  
(To JARED) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?

EVAN turns to CONNOR.

EVAN  
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!

EVAN runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

EVAN  
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with swords.

CONNOR  
I'm not scared of you.

EVAN  
You should be.

\--

INT. CONNOR'S HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

EVAN and JARED walk around searching for something.

EVAN  
I feel sure I saw swords somewhere around here.

JARED  
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly swords.

EVAN  
You know nothing Jared Kleinman.

JARED  
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.

Suddenly, CONNOR appears, holding a pair of swords.

CONNOR  
Looking for something?

JARED  
Crikey, Evan, he's got your swords.

EVAN  
Tell me something I don't already know!

JARED  
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

EVAN  
I know that already!

JARED  
I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts. Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am. Cause then I don't have to look at it And no one gets to look at i-

CONNOR  
(appalled) Dude!

While CONNOR is looking at JARED with disgust, EVAN lunges forward and grabs his deadly swords. He wields them, triumphantly.

EVAN  
Prepare to die, you destructive apple!

CONNOR  
No please! All I did was kill a bunch of children!

ZOE enters, unseen by any of the others.

EVAN  
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Evan Hansen defender of innocent children.

CONNOR  
Don't hurt me! Please!

EVAN  
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these swords on you right away!

CONNOR  
Because Evan, I am your father.

EVAN looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

EVAN  
No you're not!

CONNOR  
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

CONNOR tries to grab the swords but EVAN dodges out of the way.

EVAN  
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?

JARED whispers under his breath.  
Kinky..

Unexpectedly, CONNOR slumps to the ground.

JARED  
Did he just faint?

EVAN  
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving these deadly swords.

EVAN crouches over CONNOR's body.

JARED  
Be careful, Evan. It could be a trick.

EVAN  
No, it's not a trick. It appears that...  
It would seem...  
Connor Murphy is dead!

JARED  
What?

EVAN  
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.

JARED claps his hands.

JARED  
So swords did save the day, after all.

ZOE steps forward.

ZOE  
Is it true? Did you kill my brother?

EVAN  
Zoe how long have you been...?

ZOE puts her arm around EVAN.

ZOE  
Long enough.

EVAN  
Then you saw it for yourself.  
I killed Connor Murphy.

ZOE  
Then the children are safe?

EVAN  
It does seem that way!

A crowd of vulnerable children enter, looking relived.

ZOE  
You are their hero.

The children bow to EVAN.

EVAN  
There is no need to bow to me.  
I seek no worship.  
The knowledge that Connor Murphy will never kill children ever again, is enough for me.

ZOE  
You are humble as well as brave!

One of the children passes EVAN a magical white cast

ZOE  
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

EVAN  
I couldn't possibly.

Pause.

EVAN  
Well, if you insist.

EVAN takes the white cast.

EVAN  
Thank you.

The children bow their heads once more, and leave.

EVAN turns to ZOE.

EVAN  
Does this mean you want me back?

ZOE  
Oh, Evan, of course I want you back!

EVAN smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

EVAN  
Well you can't have me.

ZOE  
WHAT?

EVAN  
You had no faith in me. You had to see me scare a dragon to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

ZOE  
But...

EVAN  
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Jared.

JARED grins.

ZOE  
But...

JARED  
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

ZOE  
Evan?

EVAN  
I'm sorry Zoe, but I think you should skidaddle.

ZOE leaves.

JARED turns to EVAN.

JARED  
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?

EVAN  
Of course you are!

The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly JARED stops.

JARED  
When I said "I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts. Pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am. Cause then I don't have to look at it And no one gets to look at i-", you know I was just trying to distract the dragon don't you?

EVAN grins slowly.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Comment your reactions and thoughts and stuff 😂


End file.
